"Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest....

I have been away from my blog entries for quite some time.....a month to be exact. I couldn't bring myself to write until now. The purpose of sharing my journey from the beginning was to help others understand better the process involved in getting a cochlear implant, to share my feelings, my milestones and so much more. I am a private person but I knew at the beginning of this I had to step out of my comfort zone to share my journey. I had become an open book, so to speak. This last month was the one of the most difficult for me. I wasn't ready to share it with the whole world. I felt very vulnerable and it's still hard for me now because that means I am exposing my weaknesses. I like to be strong and I like to show that I am strong but I understand now that experiencing these weak moments are leading me up to the now and making me stronger for the future. I came across a quote, "Your journey has molded you for the greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time." I realized then it was okay to have these moments and to try to embrace them the best way I can. Every situation and trial that I battle, every milestone that I triumph is exactly how it's supposed to happen. God is in control. I need to trust Him always.  Every stepping stone, every stick thrown in front of me and hurdling over every one of them is testing my will in ways I never thought possible. I've had a lot of sticks thrown at me this last month and it was a very trying month. There were times I wanted to give up. My emotions were stripped so raw. My mind was in overload.....sensory overload. I was mentally exhausted. I fell into an almost  depressed like state for two weeks. I was trying to deal with a new life of sounds. It was a much quieter world the last 44 years. Then.....I was thrust upon this very noisy world. High pitch noises I have never heard in my entire life that many with hearing are used to were apparent everywhere. I had adjustments almost every week. There were some setbacks. There were some changes. There were some improvements. As my longtime teacher once told me, it is like a wedding dress fitting. There will be many alterations and fittings until I find the "right fit". The last month was spent trying to get used to the high pitches. Then bringing in the lows a little bit at a time. The metallic taste in my mouth came back when the low pitches were brought in. I would get the metallic taste in my mouth when deeper voices were more prominent. My audiologist called Cochlear Americas to ask about this. She was told it is normal and should go away over the course of the next few weeks or months. It just means one or more of the electrodes are close to my nerve endings. She tweaked it around a little bit. She turned off three electrodes and moved things over to the other electrodes. She also adjusted the high pitches to where it wasn't so overpowering. Things were looking up. I struggled through those two weeks of feeling really down. I thought a lot about how it would've helped to be more prepared and more informed before the surgery. I think it would have helped more if I had a mentor before the surgery and support along the way. I believe that it is a service that should be provided along with the surgery and adjustment appointments. Only someone with a cochlear implant can truly understand what I am going through. They may not have the same experience but they will understand. I hope that I can provide that support to someone in the future. As hard as a hearing person will try to understand, they cannot. Until they walk in my shoes. My family has truly been my rock. They hold me up. They push me. They give me much needed emotional support. I don't have any regrets and I know that my reward will be greater in the long run. One day I happened to walk in my daughter's room to talk with her. I was immediately drawn to her mirror where she had quotes written all over with a colored dry erase marker. Two quotes spoke to me, "You've got what it takes but it will take everything you've got." and " You were given this life because you're strong enough to live it." It really struck a chord in my heart and tears sprang to my eyes. I knew then that I needed to pull my bootstraps ups and snap out of this. Time to get to work. The first thing I did was look for a support group online on Facebook. I found one called Cochlear Implant Experiences and it was a closed group. I joined and it was exactly what I needed. I shared my experiences and wondered if they were normal. I had many responses immediately from all over the country. Many experienced what I was experiencing and gave me much encouragement. They all said things will sound normal on the average of 4 to 6 months time. Some experience it earlier but that seemed to be the average. This gave me hope! I checked in almost daily to read others' experiences and to ask questions. I seemed to be right on track. It helped me tremendously. I was able to move forward much quicker having that kind of support. I got to work. I got on a website that was suggested to me by a gentleman I consider a mentor that my Mom introduced me to after I had my surgery. This website, www.manythings.org  is used for learning English but is very useful for learning to listen to sounds of words. I try to practice 15 minutes at a time because that's about all I can start with. There will be two words side by side that almost sound alike. For example, bus and boss, cut and caught, etc. I click on each word to listen to the sound of the word. Then below those words is a quiz. After I practice I will click on quiz and try to listen to which word is being said. I got a lot wrong at first but I am starting to get some right. It takes practice! I feel like I am in elementary school all over again and that is hard for me at times but I keep reminding myself I did this before and I can do it again. I will get there. I also turn my hearing aid off for a few minutes throughout the day and just listen with the cochlear. I try to do that and just learn the different sounds. I am starting to differentiate the sounds and pitches. I also told myself that I need to pace myself at work since I work in a very noisy dental office. I now wear it half a day while I am there until I get more acclimated to the high pitch dental sounds. My Mom started sending me recordings every few days to practice listening to her voice. We downloaded the Smart Recorder Lite app on our Iphones. She records a sentence or two and sends the recording to me along with a text of what is said. I listen to it over and over. She would say simple things like, "Good morning Lisa. The sun is out. I hope you have a great day. I love you." Keeping it short and simple is what works for me now. I actually had tears in my eyes last week as I listened to one of her recordings because I felt like her voice is starting to come through more to me. I felt like it was another small turning point. Voices still sound mechanical but it is starting to change. High pitch sounds are becoming more tolerable now. It is not entirely comfortable yet. I'm working on it. I am learning where each high pitch sound is coming from. I now know when my microwave timer is going off. I can hear the two beeps when the timer goes off. The other day, I was cooking dinner over the stove and all of a sudden two beeps went off and I looked over and sure enough, the timer went off. It took weeks of practice but this week I didn't have to guess where that came from. That was another small turning point. Some noises are annoying. I now know when someone is coming in the back door. My screen door squeaks so loudly when closing. So annoying and I've been getting on Todd to oil that back door! I have finally figured out Andrew's whistle. He loves to whistle all the time. His whistle is so profound and loud. At times I have to stop Andrew and say "shhhh". The other day while doing laundry I kept hearing this clanging high pitch when I was in the other room. I walked towards the source and sure enough, it was one of Hannah's jacket. It was the zipper clanging inside the dryer. I took the jacket out to air dry. It's nice to know I have some control! One wow moment I had this past weekend which I felt was huge to me was the music at Hannah's cheer competition in Waynesville. The car radio still bothers me at times so I wasn't sure how I was going to do with all the girls screaming their cheers along with the music. I was prepared to take it off at some point. Wow, the DJ music was so loud and just radiated throughout the gym. I was there for five hours. I listened. As time passed, I actually enjoyed it! What was amazing to me was that I was hearing other instruments other than the drums. Before with my hearing aids, I would only hear the drums and the beats. I looked at Todd and asked him what I was hearing other than the drums. He said it was the keyboards and guitars. It was crazy! I was starting to make it out the longer I listened. It wasn't annoying. I could tell the difference in different songs. Alot of them were fast songs. Then at the end of the competition were two hip hop groups that performed. The first hip hop group really touched me. I loved the hip hop music! I listened and I was able to hear some soft melodies and then some strong beats along with it. It was just a different kind of music and I liked it! Who would have thought.....a 44 year old liking hip hop music? It was a huge day for me. To actually sit there for five hours without being uncomfortable, enjoying the music and feeling it in my body was a monumental day for me. I caught myself swaying my body to the music at times. I was ready to dance! So, I feel like I am turning around the corner. All these small turning points are leading up to bigger milestones. I am getting stronger each day. As I end this blog entry, I am reminded of Matt's favorite scripture which is also one of my favorites.....Phillippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

 

 

Medical Alert.....

Two weeks ago I made a medical decision regarding my safety. It was not one I took lightly. I was told by my ENT doctor and audiologist I needed to have a medical alert bracelet or necklace. My implant device has a magnet internally so that I can attach my outer sound processor to it. In the picture below is my sound processor next to my hearing aid that I wear in my right ear. The round part of my sound processor is the magnet that attaches to the implant in my skull area above my ear. The behind the ear processor is what houses the computer chip and microphone. It sends all of the sounds and signals through the magnet to the electrodes in my cochlea and to my brain. Note that I have no ear mold going into my ear like my other hearing aid.

My hearing aid and my sound processor

 



Two weeks ago, out of the blue I told Todd, "I think I want to get a tattoo today." Todd says, "What??" He really did not believe me at first because I have no tattoos and I can be a prude when it comes to that stuff. We had talked about it before but it was just casual in conversations we had and nothing came of it. As time went on, the urgency of having a medical alert bracelet was pressing on my mind. I cannot have an MRI because of the magnets. If I would have an MRI, it would literally rip the implant through my skull. I would never be able to have an implant again in that ear. That was not a pleasant thought after all I went through to get to this point. It would be devastating. For those that know me, I am not a jewelry person. All I wear is my wedding band and earrings. I will occasionally wear a nice necklace or bracelet on special occasions but it's very rare. I really didn't like the thought of wearing a medical alert bracelet every day. Or a necklace. I would have to make to sure I remember to put it on daily. Todd and I talked about the pros and cons and all the scenarios. If I would get in a car accident, the necklace or bracelet could possibly come off and fly under the seat and they would never know I have an implant. I know that's worse case scenario but I think about it. This is my life we're talking about. Or if I would be out running and I happen to pass out for some reason......and I forget to put my bracelet on no one would know I have an implant. Those are just some of the scenarios Todd and I thought of. I decided having a medical alert tattoo would be the best option for me. It would be where they would check for my pulse. It would alert them that I am not to have an MRI and that I have a cochlear implant. Knowing that I would never have to worry about forgetting to put a bracelet on or losing my bracelet in an accident gave me much greater sense of security and peace. So I made my decision right then and there two weeks ago when I woke up on a Saturday morning. My kids were like, "No way"......they never thought their Mom would get a tattoo. Of course, Chris and Matt said, "Do it.....you only live once". :)  So......Todd and I went to Glenn Scott's in Kettering. I told them to make it as small as they could. I was nervous. And it hurt like heck  since it was on a sensitive spot on my wrist. It felt like dull razor blades with fire especially on the outlining. It only took about 20 minutes. I was very pleased with the outcome. I left with a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I don't have to worry about all the scenarios with a bracelet. It's permanent. I love it and I am really happy with my decision.

 

My medical alert tattoo



No excuses.....

It's been a very trying week for me. It has only been ten days since my ear was turned on. Sometimes it feels a lot longer. The first few days were very difficult for me since I worked the day after it was turned on. My work environment is not really an ideal place to start listening with the cochlear implant. My audiologist started me with the high pitches only at a low level. Apparently, that was a little too much for me since the noise at my work consists of mostly high pitch sounds. At my dental office, there were constant high pitch sounds such as my boss's high speed drill (and his room is next to mine), the suction, the air syringe and the ultrasonic. I worked two days in a row and both days I came home and fell asleep for three hours. I never take naps. My brain was just on sensory overload. I was exhausted. My brain was being stimulated in a way that it never has. I have never heard high pitch sounds in my life. My hearing aid really only picks up the low pitch noises. So, this has been a  really a difficult adjustment for me. I had a couple of meltdowns after about 5 days of activation. This is a huge emotional adjustment for me. For 44 years, I heard a certain way with my hearing aids. It was very comfortable for me. It was all I knew. Then boom, that all changes. I felt like I was thrown into the fire. My emotions were all over the place. I wasn't prepared for this at all. I was hearing all kinds of high pitches and beeps and I had to try to figure them out. I felt like a baby learning all over again. That was extremely difficult for me. I was frustrated. Some people have a hard time understanding. Some think that once it's turned on, I hear everything. My audiologist tells me what I hear now won't be what I hear in six months from now. This is a long, hard and tedious learning process. The best way I can explain it is......let's say they come out with a miracle cure for someone who is paralyzed in their legs and they are able to stimulate their legs the same way my brain and cochlea are being stimulated. Will they be able to get up and walk and run the first day or the first week? No, absolutely not. It takes time to build up the muscles in their legs. They have to train their legs hour after hour, day after day in the weeks and months to come before they can have the ability to run. My situation is the same way. I am starting with the high pitches and I have to listen and learn every day to try to figure out what sounds they are. Each week, more pitches are added to my program because I have to allow my brain to adapt and grow. The low pitches are barely even added in my program so I'm not hearing the low sounds yet. This is where it was difficult for me last week. I wanted to hear my family's voices. I wanted to hear the microwave. I wanted to hear cars going by and so much more. All I hear are the speech sounds and high pitches noises. After the week I had, I could see where it would be easy to quit. It would be so easy to go back to my old life. But I can't. I'm not a quitter. I've got to keep going. No excuses. My hearing speech teacher, Ann came back to Dayton this past weekend. She was only here for three days. In between her being here for her sister's surgery and my leaving for Texas to move my oldest son, we managed to find a block of time to be together for two hours. It was short but we made it happen. She knew I needed to see her. It was exactly what I needed. She was my teacher over 40 years ago and I hadn't seen her for over 30 years until this past April. Yet, she is still my teacher in every way without asking. She's been there for me these last few weeks.....always encouraging me. She believes in me.  I love Ann dearly and I am so grateful we found each other again. When I saw her on Friday, with her encouraging words I was able to reach deep down inside my heart and believe in myself again. No excuses. I had an adjustment that Friday and she went with me. Over the weekend I became aquainted with new sounds. Voices are still cartoonish but I am being patient. When I was at the Atlanta airport for a four hour layover, I found it it was very noisy! Lots of high pitch sounds with people wheeling their luggage by. It is a very busy airport.  I had a massive headache and after three hours and taking much ibuprofen and Tylenol, I decided to give my brain a break by taking it off. I was proud of myself for keeping it on that long at the airport. While I helped Chris move, I was hearing different sounds in his apartment and he helped me figure out where they were coming from. He has a deadbolt lock on his apartment lock and I could hear the key turn the lock every time. While we were sorting through his stuff, he was going through his magazines to throw away. I kept hearing squeaky noises. It took me awhile to figure it out but it was the sound of him turning the pages! After we got done with the move, we decided to stop at a Barnes and Nobles to relax a little before heading back to the hotel. It was quiet in the bookstore but I kept hearing quiet high pitch noises but couldn't figure out where the source was coming from. Chris had to listen and then he tells me I am hearing little kids' voices from another part of the store! See, my family is every part of this learning process with me. They have to really listen because most of what I am hearing are sounds they have tuned out over the years. It is amazing to watch Todd and the kids listen to sounds for me because they have tuned them out and they are in awe when they realize what I am now hearing are sounds they have taken for granted. I have noticed my brain has adapted over the last few days. What has sounded so high in the beginning is not so high now. It is not as annoying. At first, I thought something was wrong with my battery. I changed my battery twice and I still had to turn the volume up. I had an "aha" moment! My brain is adapting. I felt pretty good about that. That means I can add more to my next adjustment this Friday. Today, I decided to overcome my fear of going on a run. Four days before my ear was turned on, I was attacked by a dog while I was on a walk in my neighborhood which required me to go to the hospital for stitches. It was a pretty bad wound and it frightened me since I did not hear the dog until it was too late. I was trying to work my way up to running again as I was nearing the end of my recovery from surgery when this attack happened. Two weeks passed. I woke up today and decided I would do this today. No excuses. It was a beautiful morning with the leaves changing and I armed myself with pepper spray. It felt so good to run again. I turned my hearing aid off a few times during my run to just listen with the implant. I kept hearing a soft whistling noise at times and I realized it was myself breathing hard! Since it was a little chilly my nose would start to run.....I could hear myself sniff. As I was running I kept hearing squeaky noises and realized it was the crushing sound of the fall leaves as I ran through the piles. I purposely ran through some more pile of leaves just to listen to that sound. :) I would hear small beeps but couldn't figure out what they were. I am guessing they might have been birds chirping. I later told Todd he needs to sit outside with me to listen to birds to see if that was what I was hearing. It was a good day of listening and learning. I am feeling more and more confident in myself each day. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life but it is getting easier each day. I've learned I have to crawl before I walk and walk before I run.....I know I can do this and my reward will be greater in the long run. No excuses......

Baby steps......I did it today!!!

I did it!! I went to my appointment today at 4pm. My anxiety level was so high all day and I literally thought I was going to throw up when I got there. I was so scared of putting it back on....and getting that electrocuted feeling. That was my fear. I overcame my fear when I stepped in the room. I only took Todd with me this time. He was my calming force. My audiologist was very reassuring. We started all over from scratch. I was able to focus much better on listening to the beeps without having too many people in the room. I love my family dearly but this was a much better way to go for me. I had no pressure.....I readjusted my attitude and lowered my expectations. She went through the beeps first and got me to the lowest level. She also set it at a lower pace. It is firing at lower pace rather than rapidly. Then she turned it on. Wow.....much better! I didn't get the jolt. I just got an electrical sensation. I am much more comfortable. I listened. I heard her voice. I heard the S sound. Sssssssss. :) And ch ch ch like in cheese. I heard Todd clap. Everything sounds mechanical but that's okay. My brain is adapting now to these new sounds. Over time it will sound natural. I have many visits of adjustments to come. But I am really happy with today! Definitely a HUGE difference from Friday. I have no metallic taste in my mouth anymore. My body is not tense anymore. I'm not bracing for the "surge". It is now very comfortable. I left the office feeling very happy and elated. I'm on my way! Todd and I got in the car. I heard the keys jangling! We got home and as I was walking up to the back door I asked Todd, what is that noise? He said, you really heard that? It was the horn on the key remote from when he locked my car! I walked on the patio. There are leaves all over the patio. As my shoes moved the leaves I could hear a swishing sound. I asked Todd if the leaves made that noise and he said yes. Wow. I came in the house and talked to the kids. They were making all kinds of noises to test me out. :) It's all mechanical now but like I said, this is the first day. We know it is working.....my brain is getting stimulation. I texted my Mom and Dad right away. My Mom said she was crying and my Dad said said he got the chills. They were both extremely happy for the good news. I started to make dinner. I got the Pam spray out to spray my dish. And I heard the spray!!!! Matt was standing next to me watching me. He looked at me puzzled when I made a look on my face and I said Matt, does that spray sound like a whistle? He said yes. Wow! Amazing. I couldn't stop smiling after that. I feel like I can do this now. I know I can! My next appointment is Friday for another adjustment. We will keep increasing the levels to allow my brain to adapt. I am told each day gets better. Now I'm excited to hear how tomorrow sounds!

Practice, Patience, Persistence, Prayer.......

This morning I have come up with a new mantra.....the 4 P's for my new hearing journey.....practice, patience, persistence and prayer. I will repeat this in my head over and over. I've got to do this.....I know I CAN.
I asked my Mom to post an update on my facebook on the date of my activation because I knew my family and friends were waiting for an update and I did not want to leave anyone hanging. I wasn't ready to talk or write that day. My emotions were raw. The depths of my emotions that day brought me to an unimaginable place. A place I didn't want to be.
I will describe the "turn on" of my ear the best way I can. My audiologist went through all 24 electrodes in my cochlea on the computer first before turning my ear on. Each electrode is a different pitch/frequency. I had to tell her when each beep was comfortable or loud and she would go lower. She had to get to the threshold level to make it as comfortable as possible for me when my ear was turned on. I had 8 people in the room.....my family....Todd, my children, my Mom, my Dad and his wife. The pressure I put on myself was tremendous. I realize now it was too great. I had the pressure of not only my expectations but my worry of my family's expectations of when it was turned on. I went in there with high expectations. Too high. I thought I would go in there and voila, I would hear sounds like I do with my hearing aids but with greater enhancement and clarity. I did not go in there thinking it was a process. That was my fault. I was hugely disappointed. I wanted to hear voices. I wanted to hear the knock on the desk. But every sound was a beep or brain "surge". My audiologist told me this is a process. This is not what I will hear later. The brain has to adapt first. Each sound will sound like a beep and over time the brain will adapt to the sound and it will become a meaningful and clear sound. My cochlea has never been stimulated so it is stimulating my brain in a way that it never has. So that's why they have to start as low as possible and increase it with adjustments in the weeks and months to come. This is where I made my mistake.....I wanted it all the first day. Todd watched me closely.....he knows me so well. He told me later that he knew from my expressions on my face during the appointment that I would break down in the car. He was bracing for that. And sure enough, he was right. I got in my mom's car and had a meltdown. I was in a place I did not want to be. I was disappointed. I was sad. I was frightened. I was afraid this was all a mistake. The ride home was a long one. We pulled in my driveway and I had a second meltdown.  I was just feeling lost in my emotions. Todd, my Mom and Dad held me and comforted me. They enveloped me with their love. Over the next few hours, I was taking it off in 15-20 minute increments to allow my brain to adapt. I felt worse as the hours passed. The brain "surges" to each sound were too uncomfortable and intolerable.  I tried and tried. My stomach was hurting. I had a metallic taste in my mouth with each surge. My chest and face turned red. My body was tensed up because I was bracing for each surge. My anxiety level was through the roof. I tried to make out sounds but every sound whether it was high or low.....a paper dropping, a voice, a clap, silverware dropping was the same surge/electrical sound. I was increasingly getting frustrated. My gut feeling was telling me something was not right. I had it at the lowest setting and it should be at a comfortable level from what I was told. After much talk with my family, I decided not to wear it for the remainder of the weekend until I call on Monday to get in for another adjustment. I need to go as low as possible and work from there. I think maybe since my expectations were too high, I was asking for a level that was too much for my brain to handle. My Mom stayed with me until 11pm that night. She knows me and understands me so well. I needed her and she was with me. When she left, Todd and I stayed up until 1am just talking and exploring my feelings. He is my rock. I crashed in bed from all of the overstimulation that day. I woke up at 4am from a nightmare. I dreamed I was at my funeral of my old life. I woke up in a sweat and I was frightened. I didn't know what this meant and I was scared. I texted my oldest son, Chris in Texas later in the morning since no one was up. I told him about my dream. He told me it must have some meaning behind it......that it must have meant I was starting a new life. I was somewhat relieved and thinking maybe he is right. What a great insight from him. I reached out to my hearing speech teacher, Ann, from when I was young by email and told her my feelings and what I experienced the day before. She immediately responded and asked me to chat with her on instant message. I chatted with her for awhile. She told me I needed adjustments made and to call on Monday. She said to think of it like a wedding dress fitting. It will take several fittings to find the right "fit" for me. She told me to take a deep breath, relax, take it off my shoulders the rest of the weekend and start anew on Monday when I make the call. She told me she knows I can do this since she watched me learn under her wing from the time I was 2 years old. I got off the chat with her feeling relieved and somewhat better. But it also brought up emotions. Emotions of knowing I need to come to terms with my feelings, accepting that at the age of 44 I have to learn this as if I am a baby being introduced to sound and starting all over. I crawled into my bed, woke up Todd and had a good cry in his arms. He held me and comforted me. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to sort out my feelings, coming to terms with it and telling myself it's okay to have these feelings. I willingly received the support from my husband, my children, my parents, my teacher, and my best friend.  I prayed alot.....I know God is holding me up. He is strong for me when I am not. I know that prayers from everyone are lifting me up......I take great comfort in that. I can do this. I have to overcome my fear for tomorrow. I CAN do this and I WILL. "Practice, patience, persistence and prayer".......

How will I ever sleep tonight??

Oh my gosh, my BIG day is here tomorrow!! My ear will be turned on! I cannot even describe in words how I've been feeling all week. I went back to work on Tuesday. I have been feeling awesome all week. I feel 100 percent healthy again. All of my headaches and tiredness went away. My energy level has skyrocketed this week. I've come across some trials this week and I've been tested but nothing and I mean, absolutely nothing can knock me down. God sustains me through everything! I'm focused on tomorrow......I am ready. Tomorrow will be a culmination of a true miracle that I have been waiting for all of my life. A miracle and a gift that I am so grateful to receive. I am so excited to have my family with me to witness this. My Mom and Dad, who gave me life and poured everything they had into me will share this beautiful moment with me. I know my Mom will cry a river of tears. :) Todd, my soulmate and my rock.....he and I have been linked steadfast and strong through all of this.......I am the luckiest woman alive and I can't wait to share this with him. I am taking Matt, Andrew and Hannah out of school.....they are truly excited for me! And I know that Chris, in Texas will be with me in spirit.....I can't wait to call him! I have a really amazing family.....I am truly blessed. And my friends......wow, I am so thankful for all of your support and encouraging words these last eight months!
So...... I've got major butterflies in my stomach but it's a good feeling! I am counting down the hours til 2:00pm. Stay tuned for my video tomorrow! :)

Halfway there!!!

I woke up this morning and looked at my calendar on my fridge.....and realized I am halfway there. I am ten days post op and I have 10 more days until my ear is turned on! My eyes welled with tears. Tears of excitement, joy and anticipation. Tears of gratefulness.....there are no words to express how grateful I am of my gift from God. Everything that has happened along the way in my life leading up to today and all my tomorrows is all part of God's plan for me. What a beautiful thing to witness! I am just beyond grateful.
I had my post op appointment yesterday with Dr. Turner. When he walked in the room and saw me, he flashed a huge smile at Todd and I . I can tell he is excited for me. My immediate thought in my head was, does he realize the impact of his role in this life changing event for me? He is very pleased with my recovery. My incision and the inside of my ear looks great. I can now get my incision wet. I have no pain whatsoever. The only thing I have are headaches and tiredness but it is improving each day. He tells me my headaches are probably caused by my brain working harder to hear out of the other side with my hearing aid. He also tells me tiredness is normal coming off the anesthetic and surgery and I should be feeling good as new in a week. He tells me I can start exercising again but to wait another week before I start my running again. I am very happy. I give him my heartfelt thanks before I leave the room......I only hope he realizes how much I mean it.
Since today was a big day for me.....my halfway point.....I reflected on so much of my life leading up to today. Lots of emotions.....good ones. I think about how a very small part of the beginning of my life impacts a very big part of what is happening in the now of my life.

                                                                 My Mom and I

This photo of my Mom and I in the newspaper when I was almost three years old means so much to me. This small part of the beginning of my young life is HUGE to me.....I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for the love, perserverance and dedication of my Mom and Dad. This is how I learned to lipread and talk.....by "feeling" the words on my Mom and Dad's faces. They spent hours with me each day....I would learn a word by "feeling" the word on their face and watching their lips. I would repeat the word by sounding it out and watching how they formed the word with their lips. There were no hand signs taught. This went on for many years along with speech therapy. Being able to hear some with my hearing aids is only a small fraction of why I am where I am today. I lipread and talk well because of the foundation my parents laid down for me when I was a young child. As a child, I had no idea how much work they poured into me. It was my "normal" and was a part of my daily life growing up. It was all I knew. As an adult and a Mom, I know now how much did everything in their power for their child, me, to teach me and give me a life as normal as possible so that I could grow and flourish. And that I did. I surpassed beyond what others told my Mom and Dad could be done. I am where I am today because of them and for that I will never, ever forget. Because of what they taught me, I know that I am prepared for when my ear is turned on! It won't be easy. It will be a hard and long road ahead of me.  But I'm strong and mentally prepared.....I can handle this. I went through years of training to "feel words" and I have the foundation to now "listen" to the words and new sounds when my ear is turned on. I know that I have tremendous support from my family and friends to help me with new sounds.....it will be amazing and I am so grateful that I have so many people rallying behind me.  Thank you Mom and Dad for always fighting for me and helping me get to where I am today.....I love you both.