My head has been swimming all day.....it still seems unreal. I can't believe it! What a long week it was for me. I kept myself busy all week in hopes of the week passing by quickly. I never in my life wished for a Monday to come ever so swiftly. That is so unlike me.....I savor my weekends and want them to last. However, just this once I had very good reason. I tossed and turned all night. As anxious as I was, this was one morning that I really had to drag myself out of bed. So many thoughts were running through my head. I took my shower, got ready and made my coffee. I had an hour to kill.....that was the longest wait for my Mom to arrive. I am always busy.....always finding something to do around the house. But this time I just could not. I sat in the chair in my family room. The tv was off. There was complete silence. All I could do at the moment was just sit still in silence and smell the aroma of my coffee. I start to shed some tears. Then I feel a peace envelope me. I am ready to go and hear what my doctor has to say about the results of the testing and cat scan. My Mom finally arrives and we leave for my appointment. My Dad is waiting for me in the waiting room. It means so much to me to have my parents with me on this monumental day.....they fought so hard for me from the time they found out about my hearing loss when I was eight months old. And here I am 43 years later.....they're still rooting for me. I am grateful beyond words of the tremendous support I have from my family. I walk back into my doctor's office with my parents behind me. After Dr. Turner examines my ears he goes over the results with me. He tells me I am a candidate! I smile at my Mom and Dad. I see joy on their faces. Dr. Turner asks me if I had a choice, which ear would I prefer to have the implant in. I tell him my right ear because of my declining loss from the infections I had. He said either ear could be done but it was his high recommendation that we do my left ear, my good ear. He discussed the many reasons with my parents and I, but the most important being that he did not want to put me in further risk with the recurrent infections I keep having in my right ear. He says there is no significant difference in hearing loss between both ears so it would not make a huge difference in which ear was done. In my mind, I'm thinking I've always favored my right ear and wanted to make it better. I don't know if it's because I am right handed. I am feeling uncertain and ask him many questions. He takes the time to answer all of our questions. In the end, I decide I am very comfortable in trusting in his experience and expertise. We decide the left ear is best. I am still trying to let it sink in when he tells me that from the results I have zero to two percent understanding without lipreading and can get up to 65 percent! Without lipreading! I cannot imagine it. I've relied on it all of my life....it is my language. I still can't believe it when he said I may lose some of my lipreading skills because I won't need to rely on it as much. Amazing. I leave the office with every emotion you can imagine. I never thought I could feel such a wide range of emotions all at once. My parents are so excited for me. We all leave to go to Applebee's for lunch. My Dad's wife, Wendy meets us there. I'm excited to share the news with her. She looks at me and says, from the smiles on all of your faces I take it as good news. I say yes and we hugged. She is happy for me. I am so lucky to have her in my life. She rallies behind me in everything I do. The support system I have with my family is unbelievable. I can't wait to share the news with the rest of my family. Todd works third shift so I am anxious to tell him the news when he gets up. I text Chris in Texas knowing he is in school but would respond when he could. It wasn't but a few minutes when he texts me, "Yay!". I text Matt in school and knew he would get back to me during his lunch hour. He responded quickly and texts me, "Sweet. That is so awesome!". When I pick Hannah up from school, I sat in the car with her and told her of the news. She exlaimed, "Oh!" and grabs my arm with excitement. I patiently wait for Andrew to text me back when he is close to his bus stop. He normally walks home but I pick him up today. I share with him the news. He smiles at me and says, "Cool!". All of my children's responses were different but they mean so much to me in every way. I am getting impatient waiting for Todd to wake up because I can't wait to tell him. He finally wakes up. I share the good news with him and he tells me, "I just knew it." He gives me a hug and a kiss as he pours his coffee. Then he tells me to tell him everything that happened today. He is so excited for me. I spend the rest of the day processing it all. It's happening! Now the waiting game begins.....the approval from my insurance company. It can take up to six weeks. They say if all goes well, I can be looking at the end of May or early June for my surgery date. I am not a very patient person when it comes to waiting so I'm sure I will learn a thing or two about patience! Every day on this journey I am learning so much about myself. I am allowing myself to experience every imaginable emotion and to embrace them. Each incident is a stepping stone for me.....the doctor's visits, the cat scan, the testing, the results, the wait and so on. It's like I'm in this long hallway and God just keeps opening doors for me. I walk through each door with joy and thankfulness that He is showing me that I can trust in Him and not be afraid. What a gift!
As I said to my Mom before she left today, "Here we go!"..........
No comments:
Post a Comment