Sunday, February 19, 2012

Another week passes.....thank goodness I am a busy Mom!

It has been one week since I was told I am a candidate. I am still waiting to hear from my insurance company. My doctor submitted it two weeks ago so I keep thinking it could be four more weeks or any day now. I keep imagining what it will be like to get that letter in the mail. I'm still feeling excited but at the same time I am keeping myself so busy that I'm not letting the waiting consume my thoughts. I had a really good week and it went by so quickly. On Tuesday, the day after I was told I was a candidate I was feeling so was like an euphoric feeling. I was floating on air all day. I think it was the sense of knowing what the answer was and just the sense of relief that came with it. The weeks leading up to that day of finding out were so long . It was the not knowing and the wondering that made it seem like forever, I think. Now that I know, I have this sense of peace. Quite a different feeling than I've had in a long time. I just have this peace of knowing I can deal with whatever comes my way. Whether it's good or bad, I know now that I can just step over that stone. I can deal with it and move on. Obstacles are not the end of the world. They are there to test your strength, to persevere and to learn from them. I believe everything happens for a reason.  I can certainly say that I have had many obstacles in my lifetime but I am a better and stronger person because of them. I am learning it is much easier to overcome the obstacles when I simply don't get caught up in the moment. Hard to do for many of us including me. It is so easy at times not to see past what is put in front of you at the moment but I try to envision that whatever obstacle comes my way will pass. It will.  Faith moves me forward. I am still amazed at all the events that led up to today. God has a plan for me! One thing that I have learned in the last few weeks is just to live in the moment. Before, I would rush to get to the end result of whatever I wanted. I am learning to live in each moment as I experience this journey. I love it! I love this change in how I feel. As I said in my previous post, this waiting will teach me a thing or two about patience. For sure. I am already feeling it. I have truly enjoyed this week. Work has kept me busy all week. My coworkers are so happy for me. I love being with my family in the evenings. Thank goodness I was busy most of the weekend at my son, Matt's sectional wrestling tournament. It was a great weekend. He was sectional champ! This was one weekend I truly enjoyed being around my wrestling family. I am living in the moment. I feel my relationship with Todd strengthening more so lately. His support means so much to me. He encourages me through all of the emotions I am experiencing on this journey. As I look back, I always put my family first before myself at whatever cost. It almost seems weird that my feelings are shifting as I go after my dream. I am realizing it is okay to do something for myself. I am realizing that I am worthy of this and deserve it. It's not shifting our family dynamic at all that Mom wants to do something for herself! If anything, it is strengthening our family. I am just amazed at how incredibly blessed I am to have my husband and four children by my side. I got a really nice email from my Mom this week. She told me how proud of me she was and how excited and happy she was to be sharing this with me. I know she also worries at times for me but that's part of being a Mom. She was not sure how I would be feeling the next day after finding out I was a candidate and was relieved to hear that I was feeling excited. She told me she wondered if the change I imagine that comes with a cochlear would mean a loss of the kind of life I've had. Not a sad loss but it will be a change. It won't change the person I am but it will be a huge change for me. Wow, that certainly made me think alot about that this week. I am sure I will experience some of those feelings. But I won't know until I actually experience it. As my Mom said, my hearing aids, lipreading, voice, focus and keen sense of observation are all so much a part of me. Very true. I know I won't change as a person. I will still be me. I imagine that all of what my Mom described will be enhanced by the cochlear. I can imagine that I will be able to achieve so much more with it......the possibilities are endless! But this also reminds me of others closest to me......of their emotions and feelings as they experience this with me. I am sure my Mom and Dad are going through their own set of emotions. I can only imagine what they are feeling as they are watching their daughter go through this journey. I am sure it is scary in some ways. Their feelings are just as raw and real as mine are. But I'm feeling so close and connected to them now as never before.
Looking forward to another good week of learning, experiencing......and LIVING in each moment.

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