Monday, June 11, 2012

A time of personal growth......

I just realized this week I have been away from writing my blog for over a month now. Oh, how the time flies. So much has happened in the last month.....not so much with events but more with me personally. Since the date was set, I have had lots of feelings to sort through. Initially, there were feelings of fear, uncertainty, excitement and curiosity.....so many emotions rolled into one. I wasn't sure how to handle this one. But with each day passing,  I found myself in deep reflection on my life. So many things in my life are changing and I wanted to find a way to embrace these changes. As I've said before, I do not do well with changes or going out of my comfort zone. But I was ready to try. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend and so many things. I have always enjoyed being those roles and I still do.....they are so important to me. They always will be. I have taken the time in the last month to really reflect on all of those things. In that time, I have found me again. I am Lisa. I wanted to feel myself again. I had lost myself in those roles. It may sound selfish but I needed to find myself again. Three weeks ago, I took up my love of running again. I had forgotten how much I loved it because I had been away from it for so long.....many years. It has been so freeing. An hour to myself five days a week....it was MY time! I've had a million thoughts run through my head as I run each day but it's been so liberating. I've found that it's okay to step away from my roles and focus on me. I am becoming a better wife and mother because I am allowing myself to be Lisa. I am getting healthier in the process not only physically but mentally. I've always thought I was blessed with my life but as I run I have really had time to think and appreciate my blessings even more. I am truly blessed to be married to the love of my life, my high school sweetheart for 23 years this August. Todd is my rock, my best friend, my everything. He has joined me in my personal quest to get healthy again. We are teammates. It feels so good to have a teammate by my side.....my soulmate. Our marriage has come alive again. He is excited to share my journey with me and I have realized how lucky I am to have him by my side as I go through these experiences. I have four beautiful children. All of them are unique and special in each way.....I love my relationships with them. I am extremely blessed to have close relationships with each of them. I value them and I as I run and reflect on that, I am reminded of the blessings I have received. They are truly God's gifts to me. It makes me happy to know they are with me on this journey. As I run each day, I find myself feeling healthier, happier, grateful, free, peaceful and so much more.  I have found peace with my decision. I can't explain it. There is no more fear. No more uncertainty. I am feeling really good and just at peace with what is to come. I am getting more excited each day and think of all the possibilities to come. My surgery is three months away......so close. I know God has a plan for me. I don't fight the current.....I row my paddle along with it gently down the stream. Everything is happening the way it's supposed to! As I go over each wave I find something new and embrace it. There is a reason my surgery is in September. I was given this time for reflection and still continuing to. I will be strong physically and mentally.....and I will be ready and prepared for one of the biggest days of my life. I LOVE me, Lisa and I LOVE the life I was richly blessed with! I am grateful for the time of personal growth that is being given to me.

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